I had my first big crit this week! It resulted in many sleepless nights, but the outcome was fantastic...not to mention getting there was a lot of fun! I couldn't help but get discouraged a lot because I'm working my butt off for something I know I won't be doing 3 months from now. I wasn't really sad about not doing architecture next semester, but spending hours in the studio and bonding with everyone, helping each other out and sharing ideas gave me a new appreciation of it. I know I'm not the best in there but I have come a long way since last year and I know this year will push me further. I'll miss it, as frustrating as building models are I like seeing my results. There's not an other profession that gives you that. So thinking about the future, where I'm gonna be... I still have yet to figure out.
super secret, but this goes along with my future topic and I told you i wasn't gonna sugar coat anything. So I had a huge pregnancy scare! like i went to the doctors, and bought pregnacy tests and looked at clinics...both types. Ok, now what I want to write is about is not the fact that I was almost pregnant...but how I handled it. I was adopted because my birthmom was a "teen mom" and she chose the best option for me, and for that I truly love her. And because of that, abortion has always been something I was morally against... but yet when it came down to it, thats where my mind went first. I would just go get an abortion and not tell anyone about it...and go on to live my life. It made me sick to realize how selfish of a person I am. Now, I went to the doctor and i'm not pregnant so I never really had to make the decision...but the fact that it even crossed my mind makes me hate myself. But honestly... people say one thing, but when literally faced with the decision its a lot easier said then done.
I look at where I see myself 5 years from now and I don't even see myself married yet. Michael and I still have a long road a head of us, and I know if we can get through his military career and my education we could live together happily ever after.... its just going to be a rough road.
But honestly.... I live in the moment, I can't even figure out what I'm doing next week....
