So not really a lot has happened since my last update, although it feels like forever ago!
I'm still feeling the same way on my life. I just don't feel like school is for me. I found a church I really like though. They offer a lot of service opportunities and I got a pamphlet today with a lot of mission projects I could do. I think this was a sign from God.
I like where I am right now with school and life. I'm starting to volunteer at the Animal Shelter and hopefully will start getting more involved in the church. I'm doing well in my classes and am staying on top of them. Living with Stefani has also helped me stay organized, neat, eat healthy, work out, and go to church. She has helped me more and I've gotten a long better with her then the stories I've heard about living with her in the past. Michael and I are good too! He's coming home in 17 days so its going to be great talking to him more, even if we won't be able to see each other right away.
Basically, life is good so why complain?
Sunday, January 30
Saturday, January 15
you get what you make out of it
so i'm doing good with blogging once a week!!
It makes sense to make smaller more attainable goals, then big ones. Hense why I didn't run a marathon.... it was too big of a goal when I haven't even ran a 5 k! Start Small.
I don't have a lot to blog about. I started over at OCC this semester. It's gonna be a joke compared to LTU, but I"m gonna take it as an opportunity to not slack off, but to do better and achieve the grades I know I can. RUSH is going on this week and next, we don't have any perspectives yet since basically everyone got taken out in the fall, but we are fine with that. It'll be nice to just work and get closer with my sisters and not have to be all crazy worried about the pledges.
So the theme for this blog, Life is what you make it to be. Look at it positivity, and a lot of things will go more positive.
It makes sense to make smaller more attainable goals, then big ones. Hense why I didn't run a marathon.... it was too big of a goal when I haven't even ran a 5 k! Start Small.
I don't have a lot to blog about. I started over at OCC this semester. It's gonna be a joke compared to LTU, but I"m gonna take it as an opportunity to not slack off, but to do better and achieve the grades I know I can. RUSH is going on this week and next, we don't have any perspectives yet since basically everyone got taken out in the fall, but we are fine with that. It'll be nice to just work and get closer with my sisters and not have to be all crazy worried about the pledges.
So the theme for this blog, Life is what you make it to be. Look at it positivity, and a lot of things will go more positive.
Monday, January 3
This must be it, welcome to the new year
New Year, New Start. I'm gonna try to blog once a week. Hopefully it will last :D
A lot has happened since my last blog. I finished my last semester as an architect at LTU. It was really sad knowing I would never be back but come to think about it, I'm not sure if architecture is the life for me. I really would have no time to do anything.
But this is a fresh new start, its time to stop dwelling on the past and look to the future. I still am undecided where I want to end up after this semester. I have a lot of options.
1. take classes in the spring and summer at OCC and then go to MSU Fall 2011, and be graduated with a degree in interior design by 2013, only to get out of school, get a job and have everything figured out
2. take classes this semester, take the summer off, take classes in the fall and then transfer to MSU in the spring. Graduating a semester later.
3. Get an associates degree from OCC, graduate in 2 years, which will be my 4 year commitment to the O'rhos. Then I will have options. I can always go back to school whenever because I will have that degree. I really just want to save up money, and back pack through europe or join the peace corps. I wouldn't be able to do that if I just go straight to MSU.
I feel like I am just doing things for me, and my future, and not helping anyone elses. Thats why I want to join the Peace Corps so bad, because then I would feel like I made a difference in the world. But then I think, am I jumping ship? I want to take 2 years off of school and out of my life to run around in Africa building huts, but I am doing absolutely nothing here.
SO here is my new years resolution: help here first, volunteer more and start changing the world in my own community before I start talking crazy. Start living in the moment, and figure out this semester before I try to figure out anything else.
Hopefully I will be here next week.
Thanks Blogger Land. <3
A lot has happened since my last blog. I finished my last semester as an architect at LTU. It was really sad knowing I would never be back but come to think about it, I'm not sure if architecture is the life for me. I really would have no time to do anything.
But this is a fresh new start, its time to stop dwelling on the past and look to the future. I still am undecided where I want to end up after this semester. I have a lot of options.
1. take classes in the spring and summer at OCC and then go to MSU Fall 2011, and be graduated with a degree in interior design by 2013, only to get out of school, get a job and have everything figured out
2. take classes this semester, take the summer off, take classes in the fall and then transfer to MSU in the spring. Graduating a semester later.
3. Get an associates degree from OCC, graduate in 2 years, which will be my 4 year commitment to the O'rhos. Then I will have options. I can always go back to school whenever because I will have that degree. I really just want to save up money, and back pack through europe or join the peace corps. I wouldn't be able to do that if I just go straight to MSU.
I feel like I am just doing things for me, and my future, and not helping anyone elses. Thats why I want to join the Peace Corps so bad, because then I would feel like I made a difference in the world. But then I think, am I jumping ship? I want to take 2 years off of school and out of my life to run around in Africa building huts, but I am doing absolutely nothing here.
SO here is my new years resolution: help here first, volunteer more and start changing the world in my own community before I start talking crazy. Start living in the moment, and figure out this semester before I try to figure out anything else.
Hopefully I will be here next week.
Thanks Blogger Land. <3
Tuesday, November 2
the future
I had my first big crit this week! It resulted in many sleepless nights, but the outcome was fantastic...not to mention getting there was a lot of fun! I couldn't help but get discouraged a lot because I'm working my butt off for something I know I won't be doing 3 months from now. I wasn't really sad about not doing architecture next semester, but spending hours in the studio and bonding with everyone, helping each other out and sharing ideas gave me a new appreciation of it. I know I'm not the best in there but I have come a long way since last year and I know this year will push me further. I'll miss it, as frustrating as building models are I like seeing my results. There's not an other profession that gives you that. So thinking about the future, where I'm gonna be... I still have yet to figure out.
super secret, but this goes along with my future topic and I told you i wasn't gonna sugar coat anything. So I had a huge pregnancy scare! like i went to the doctors, and bought pregnacy tests and looked at clinics...both types. Ok, now what I want to write is about is not the fact that I was almost pregnant...but how I handled it. I was adopted because my birthmom was a "teen mom" and she chose the best option for me, and for that I truly love her. And because of that, abortion has always been something I was morally against... but yet when it came down to it, thats where my mind went first. I would just go get an abortion and not tell anyone about it...and go on to live my life. It made me sick to realize how selfish of a person I am. Now, I went to the doctor and i'm not pregnant so I never really had to make the decision...but the fact that it even crossed my mind makes me hate myself. But honestly... people say one thing, but when literally faced with the decision its a lot easier said then done.
I look at where I see myself 5 years from now and I don't even see myself married yet. Michael and I still have a long road a head of us, and I know if we can get through his military career and my education we could live together happily ever after.... its just going to be a rough road.
But honestly.... I live in the moment, I can't even figure out what I'm doing next week....
super secret, but this goes along with my future topic and I told you i wasn't gonna sugar coat anything. So I had a huge pregnancy scare! like i went to the doctors, and bought pregnacy tests and looked at clinics...both types. Ok, now what I want to write is about is not the fact that I was almost pregnant...but how I handled it. I was adopted because my birthmom was a "teen mom" and she chose the best option for me, and for that I truly love her. And because of that, abortion has always been something I was morally against... but yet when it came down to it, thats where my mind went first. I would just go get an abortion and not tell anyone about it...and go on to live my life. It made me sick to realize how selfish of a person I am. Now, I went to the doctor and i'm not pregnant so I never really had to make the decision...but the fact that it even crossed my mind makes me hate myself. But honestly... people say one thing, but when literally faced with the decision its a lot easier said then done.
I look at where I see myself 5 years from now and I don't even see myself married yet. Michael and I still have a long road a head of us, and I know if we can get through his military career and my education we could live together happily ever after.... its just going to be a rough road.
But honestly.... I live in the moment, I can't even figure out what I'm doing next week....
Friday, October 8
time management
So I've come to realize I blog about themes. There is usually one central problem that I worry my life away about, I think about different scenarios, questions, reasons....I just think. Now you all know I love my sorority, but what I love most about it is what it did for me. I don't just think about things now, I do things. I set a plan of action and go for it. People freak out over projects and tests and homework, while I get my stuff done (and it's done well I might add), work, AND have time to get an adequate amount of sleep and social time. So while everyones running around, I get worried that I am not doing the same. I was worried I was forgetting about something or not spending enough time studying. Well, when you put it in perspective, we have 2 weeks to do a project, a week to read 100 pages, and a test to study for. Break it down. There are 4 parts to this project, the model, elevations, floor plans and site plan. Spend 4 days on the model, 2 days on the elevations, 2 days on the floor/site, and the rest of the week before to perfect and design the building. Study a chapter/lesson a day for like 2 hours and then add them together, and read 15 pages a day instead of 100 pages the day before.
So instead of being stressed, not remembering anything, not sleeping, and not doing my best possible work, I am not stressed, remembering what i'm reading and studying, sleeping and doing my best possible work. Funny how that works out.
I just don't understand how it's hard for people to figure that out.....
So instead of being stressed, not remembering anything, not sleeping, and not doing my best possible work, I am not stressed, remembering what i'm reading and studying, sleeping and doing my best possible work. Funny how that works out.
I just don't understand how it's hard for people to figure that out.....
crazy little thing called love
kind of a long up date for you all in blogger land. This week has been a shit show. Between studio work, greek drama, fights with friends, I needed an escape for the weekend. Michael was supposed to be coming so it was perfect. Unfortunately something happened and he is no longer able to leave. Obviously I'm disappointed and it's so hard for me because relationships are supposed to make you happy, not make you feel like crap.
So here's the low down, this summer Michael was planning on going into the National Guard. His boot camp was set for September. This was perfect because that was when I was leaving to go back to school and it would give us the summer together. Well while I was in Florida the last week in June, I get a call from Michael telling me he is leaving in 4 DAYS! not okayyyyy. So our perfect summer together got taken away. So he goes to leave and he tells me he will get to talk to me on the phone on Sundays and he will be home a week between basic and AIT. This is what keeps me going! However, 7 long weeks went by with me waiting by the phone every Sunday only to go to bed lonely and disappointed. I get a call on the 7th week and the 9th week I get to see him for 3 days. He doesn't get a break in between so that is it. However, there is hope because he is allowed to have a computer, phone and leave at AIT. BUT NO. He gets leave for Holidays, the place doesn't have internet, and he is taking classes from 11 pm to 3 am so he is awake while I'm asleep. It's the definition of bullshit. I know this is not Michaels fault but I don't know how many more disappointments my heart can take before I snap. I keep telling my self that it will be worth it but I'm really not sure what I'm waiting for anymore.
So laying it out on the table, this bullshit is done with in 3 months for him and then he gets to come home, but I still have two years of school left so we wont be in the same place and I'm not ready to get an apartment together...even though it would be the only way I could see him regularly. I'm putting my self through hell because it's a small part out of forever, but honestly...who knows how long this forever is going to last. I'm 20 years old and in college, I have a lot of life left to live before I settle down. I'm putting so much into this relationship when I'm not sure if it will even last. We've had such a rocky past, that I'm still scared. However, I want to give us a real shot.I honestly love the kid, but sometimes that's not enough. So then I think, we can just try once this is all over with, but what will that solve? I would still miss him, and be lonely and want him here with me. I can just never win.
It is hard to find someone to talk to about this too.
i'll try to update soon
<3
So here's the low down, this summer Michael was planning on going into the National Guard. His boot camp was set for September. This was perfect because that was when I was leaving to go back to school and it would give us the summer together. Well while I was in Florida the last week in June, I get a call from Michael telling me he is leaving in 4 DAYS! not okayyyyy. So our perfect summer together got taken away. So he goes to leave and he tells me he will get to talk to me on the phone on Sundays and he will be home a week between basic and AIT. This is what keeps me going! However, 7 long weeks went by with me waiting by the phone every Sunday only to go to bed lonely and disappointed. I get a call on the 7th week and the 9th week I get to see him for 3 days. He doesn't get a break in between so that is it. However, there is hope because he is allowed to have a computer, phone and leave at AIT. BUT NO. He gets leave for Holidays, the place doesn't have internet, and he is taking classes from 11 pm to 3 am so he is awake while I'm asleep. It's the definition of bullshit. I know this is not Michaels fault but I don't know how many more disappointments my heart can take before I snap. I keep telling my self that it will be worth it but I'm really not sure what I'm waiting for anymore.
So laying it out on the table, this bullshit is done with in 3 months for him and then he gets to come home, but I still have two years of school left so we wont be in the same place and I'm not ready to get an apartment together...even though it would be the only way I could see him regularly. I'm putting my self through hell because it's a small part out of forever, but honestly...who knows how long this forever is going to last. I'm 20 years old and in college, I have a lot of life left to live before I settle down. I'm putting so much into this relationship when I'm not sure if it will even last. We've had such a rocky past, that I'm still scared. However, I want to give us a real shot.I honestly love the kid, but sometimes that's not enough. So then I think, we can just try once this is all over with, but what will that solve? I would still miss him, and be lonely and want him here with me. I can just never win.
It is hard to find someone to talk to about this too.
i'll try to update soon
<3
Tuesday, September 28
Oak is my King
Oak is My King!Ok, this is my BEST FRIEND, and has been since before this whole news campaign took off. I was the first person Oak told he was transgenders and have always stood by him. Its good to see that everything is out in the open and that he gets more overwhelming support than negativity. I keep thinking how I would have handled this and what I would have done... I would like to say I would have faced it with the same bravery and courage as Oak...but then when I truly think about it, I'm not comfortable enough with myself as it is and already shy away from doing something because i'm intimidated. I've become a lot more confident over the past year because of Oak. I'm so proud to call him my best friend. We have definitely grown a part this past summer especially, but he should know I'd always be there to support him.
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